Free PDF Still Foolin' 'Em: Where I've Been, Where I'm Going, and Where the Hell Are My Keys?, by Billy Crystal
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Still Foolin' 'Em: Where I've Been, Where I'm Going, and Where the Hell Are My Keys?, by Billy Crystal
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Hilarious and heartfelt observations on aging from one of America's favorite comedians as he turns 65, and a look back at a remarkable career
Billy Crystal is turning 65, and he's not happy about it. With his trademark wit and heart, he outlines the absurdities and challenges that come with growing old, from insomnia to memory loss to leaving dinners with half your meal on your shirt. In humorous chapters like "Buying the Plot" and "Nodding Off," Crystal not only catalogues his physical gripes, but offers a road map to his 77 million fellow baby boomers who are arriving at this milestone age with him. He also looks back at the most powerful and memorable moments of his long and storied life, from entertaining his relatives as a kid in Long Beach, Long Island, his years doing stand-up in the Village, up through his legendary stint at Saturday Night Live, When Harry Met Sally, and his long run as host of the Academy Awards. Readers get a front-row seat to his one-day career with the New York Yankees (he was the first player to ever "test positive for Maalox"), his love affair with Sophia Loren, and his enduring friendships with several of his idols, including Mickey Mantle and Muhammad Ali. He lends a light touch to more serious topics like religion ("the aging friends I know have turned to the Holy Trinity: Advil, bourbon, and Prozac"), grandparenting, and, of course, dentistry. As wise and poignant as they are funny, Crystal's reflections are an unforgettable look at an extraordinary life well lived.
- Sales Rank: #100542 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-09-10
- Released on: 2013-09-10
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Publishers Weekly
Avoiding the trappings—excess schmaltz, laundry list of famous friends, boozy party log—of so many celebrity memoirs, Crystal delivers a funny and genuinely moving chronicle of his life inside and outside Hollywood. The quips come as fast they do in the best Crystal films and Oscar hostings, making sure the reader knows that there isn&'t a ghost writer guiding this one. Now 65, Crystal, the youngest of three brothers, was a comic from the start, soaking up all he could from the TV comedians of the &'50s during his childhood in the New York suburbs. In addition to loving comedy, Crystal grew up loving music (his father owned a popular record store in the city) and, of course, baseball. Both of these passions stayed with him throughout his life and, something most fans could only dream of, Crystal not only met but befriended idols like Mickey Mantle and boxer Muhammad Ali. His successes are balanced with opportunities that didn&'t pan out, or movies that fizzled at the box office: a last-minute cancellation of a semi-permanent gig with the then-fledgling Saturday Night Live is outshone by the opportunity to perform on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. In addition to providing the inside scoop on some of his most iconic roles, from Harry to Princess, Crystal manages the extremely difficult feat of making his prose as vibrant and funny as his stand-up. He&'ll always be a hard act to follow. (Sept.)
From Booklist
*Starred Review* If you’ve been paying attention for the last few decades, you’re probably familiar with the career of Billy Crystal: his stand-up roots, his controversial role on the sitcom Soap, his run on Saturday Night Live, his Oscar-hosting turn, his movies (City Slickers and When Harry Met Sally, among many others). Why, you might be wondering, do I need to read the book when I already know the guy? Here’s one reason: the book is massively laugh-out-loud funny. Here, on the very second page, for example, he writes about getting older: “Why does God make everything small that should be big and everything big that should be small? Like my nuts, why are they now HUGE? Every time I sit on the toilet, I make tea with my balls.” If you’re not laughing, then you didn’t read that right. Crystal, who turned 65 in March 2013, reflects on his life and career and the joys of aging, and the book has a lot of surprises, ranging from the story of how he created the character of Fernando (the “You look mahvelous” guy) to his brief stint as a player with the New York Yankees. Hollywood memoirs don’t come much more entertaining than this one, and the book reinforces one thing we’ve always known about Crystal: he’s a genuinely funny, genuinely nice guy. --David Pitt
Review
“[A] wry look at aging.” ―The New York Times Book Review
“Still Foolin' ‘Em … moves from one funny, strange and heartfelt moment to the next as smoothly as the best of the nine Academy Awards shows Crystal hosted.” ―Los Angeles Times
“Crystal is, as always, charming and wry.” ―New York Daily News
“Crystal gets a lot of laughs out of the indignities of aging.” ―USA Today
“Laugh-out-loud funny.” ―Entertainment Weekly
“Crystal has the charisma, humor, and down-home charm that fans have loved over the years . . . [He] delivers numerous chuckles and flat-out belly laughs . . . To quote one of his most famous characters, Billy Crystal, ‘you look mahvelous.'” ―Associated Press
“A book with a thousand laughs entwined with unknown stories about some of the most popular movies of the past decades. Tender moments abound, too, as the reader winds his way through Billy's long varied career.” ―Steve Martin
“This book is kick-ass funny and truly unique. A Hollywood autobiography with only one wife, no rehab, a loving family and loyal friends.” ―Robin Williams
“Billy Crystal is a national treasure. Thank God he wrote this hilarious and emotional book because now I don't have to and I'll still have something personal to give everyone at Christmas.” ―Bette Midler
“A charming, warm, welcome read for Crystal's legions of fans . . . the always affable author proves yet again his ability to translate his comedic chops from the screen to the page.” ―Kirkus
“Massively laugh-out-loud funny . . . Hollywood memoirs don't come much more entertaining than this one.” ―Booklist (starred)
“Avoiding the trappings--excess schmaltz, laundry list of famous friends, boozy party log--of so many celebrity memoirs, Crystal delivers a funny and genuinely moving chronicle of his life inside and outside Hollywood....(and) manages the extremely difficult feat of making his prose as vibrant and funny as his stand-up. He'll always be a hard act to follow.” ―Publishers Weekly
Most helpful customer reviews
61 of 63 people found the following review helpful.
Very entertaining, I swear I could hear Billy saying every word and no, it wasn't the audio version
By Patricia Boss
I thought I only had a few things in common with Mr. Crystal: birth month, daughter, grandchildren, dead parents, growing up watching Johnny (always smile when I get on the Slaussen), love of Soap and When Harry, and lastly, a dry sense of humor. None of it matters, this book breaks life down to poignant moments with a lot of humor in between that gets him from birthday to birthday. Something many can relate to. The last few chapters reminded me how much our gallows humor helped my husband and I face his death together, hand-in-hand, through smiles and tears... Just like Billy and Janice Crystal will do. Maybe we all have more in common than we think. Thank you for sharing your life and humor and for helping me see my own life with humor and poignancy in retrospective. I couldnt stop reading your stories, and couldnt stop smiling. Great work. Great read. Great fun. Great story. Great life. Thank you!
46 of 47 people found the following review helpful.
MORE LIVE AUDIENCE PLEASE!
By lambskinny
From the beginning of STILL FOOLIN' EM, I knew I'd bought the right version - an audio-book. After listening to Billy Crystal read his book before a live audience, I knew nothing could top the living laugh track. Unfortunately, only SOME chapters are read aloud before real human beings who laugh and energize Mr. Crystal's perfect comic timing. I now wish that EVERY chapter had his perfect timing and a living laugh track. Too bad. Nevertheless, I recommend buying the audio-book over a Kindle version or a hard copy. Billy Crystal is too funny when he is performing; I can't imagine reading it in print could even come close!
25 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
A laugh on every page
By Richard C. Reynolds
Early in Billy Crystal's career as a standup comic, and after a performance at Catch a Rising Star, his performance was critiqued by manager Jack Rollins. Rollins told Crystal that he didn't like what he did that night and added, "You didn't leave a tip." When Crystal asked him to explain himself, Rollins said, "I have no idea what YOU think about anything. What's it like to be married, to be a father. Leave a tip."
Crystal gives us plenty of tips in a wide-ranging memoir from his early days growing up in New York to his 65th birthday in March of this year. He catalogues his worries in chapter two, compares the sexual events of a fictional couple in 1973 with similar events in 2013, and ruminates about clearing the crap out of his house before passing away. He gets rid of objects that he's not attached to, like 70 percent of guys in show business do with their first wife. He also relates the experience of shopping for a burial plot for himself and wife Janice. (Spoiler alert: he postpones it.)
I laughed out loud many times while reading this book. He takes deadly aim at our do-nothing Congress and manages to find the humor in both the triumphs and setbacks of everyday life. Sometimes, however, a joke or quip falls with a thud. Like the one comparing an elderly woman's toothless grin with a horizontal vagina.
There's something in this book for everyone. Being a grandfather many times over, I liked and identified with him in the chapter about his grandchildren. One chapter I could have done without is called "Conservatives." Crystal gives us seven pages of rants about the annoyances of modern life: people who deny global warming, athletes who use steroids and overzealous TSA inspectors at the airport. I'm in the same camp as he is on many of these irritations but just living with them every day is enough for me.
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